


Somber

by RandomFanfictions



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Depressed Lance, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Friends to Lovers, Homesick Lance (Voltron), I dont know where this came from but i needed it, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Keith is not good with feelings, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Langst, M/M, Swearing, as i once read as a tag in Anteela's klance fic, he tries, i havent written romance in so long pls send help, i watched all of voltron in three days and let me tell you i am not okay, keith comes back sooner bc i say so, klance, not beta read we die like men, slowburn, trying to stay in character here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-05-26 08:50:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14997236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandomFanfictions/pseuds/RandomFanfictions
Summary: Somber/ˈsämbər/1. dark or dull in color or tone; gloomy.2. oppressively solemn or sober in mood; grave.Ex.He looked around, catching the somber gaze of his teammate when he thought no one was lookingLance has been faking for who knows how long and Keith might be catching on. (Starts right after 6x1)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi yeah i usually write marvel fics bc I’m absolute Spider-Man trash and I love my son but I’m also a pretty big multifandom person so if you’re someone from my marvel stuff, hi, don’t worry, there will be more stuff. If you’re only here bc this is voltron, hi, also don’t worry, I’m planning on posting other voltron stuff

After that whole encounter with Sendak, trying to help a Galra base and dying for a solid minute, Lance has been more shaken up than ever. 

Yes, most of the time, he feels pretty down, Hunk is always off with Pidge, Shiro hangs out with Lotor and Allura, even Coran goes about and talks with them all, but as of late, he feels like he has no place with them. He feels like a third wheel's third wheel. 

Wait, can third wheels even have third wheels? Does that imply that the third wheel got another fourth wheel where the previously mentioned 'third wheel' third wheels? Does that make a third wheel's third wheel actually the fifth wheel? But he called himself the seventh wheel that other time with the yupper. Alright, now he's contradicting himself. To be the seventh wheel.. that makes him a third wheel's third wheel's third wheel if his math is right. This is too complicated. He just feels lonely and out of place to put it simply. 

Any time he wants to vocalize a problem he has, he gets shut down before he says anything. Why bother at all. Occasionally, Hunk would ask him whats wrong, offer food, do something, but he's too busy running experiments now to bother with someone like Lance. 

Its been harder the more time goes on. Everything is becoming more and more obvious to Lance that he's not really needed. No one seems to care that he misses lunch or dinner, nor do they notice when he has been in the training facility all day long. He has nothing to do and no one to talk to. 

The only person he ever once confided in without being judged was Keith and now even he is gone.

The paladin recalls the day he walked into his room, worrying about his role in the red lion, ready to leave as soon as he was rendered useless. Shiro was back and he would take back the black lion, making Keith the red paladin again, but Lance couldn't take blue back because Allura was better with blue than he could ever be. Keith had told him not to think too much about it, everything would sort itself out. It was the one time that he felt sorta better about anything and wasn't judged for his fears. It hurt to know that he can't have another moment like that again.

Lance sighed as he stared down to his feet dangling off the edge of his bed. He died and no one cares. Allura saved him, but it was more like a chore than it was because she cared. They just need someone to pilot the red lion so they can form Voltron and now that he's up and running again, none of it matters. 

Whats the point of getting out of bed today? 

They all have their things to do. No one wants to bother with annoying loverboy Lance and his irritating antics. 

It was too exhausting to put on his usual façade today anyway. Jumping around, cracking jokes, flirting with any alien girl they encountered - today was just not going to be a good day and all he wanted to do was hide in his room.

After everything that has been happening, this is how Lance has been spending most of his free time. For months. Hours on end just staring at a blank wall, watching the ticks go by. Counting each varga off the Altaen clock and waiting for another day to start. 

The only time he likes to leave the comfort of his room is to practice training or to eat. Its always a hassle, though. He needs to remember to act carefree and supply his usual amount of one liners to make sure no one can see through the cracks in the mask he wears. 

It isn't until one day while deciding to play Monsters and Mana do things start to change. 

Footsteps sounded from the hallway leading to the lounge, giving Lance an odd feeling. Pidge and Hunk were off doing science stuff in their rooms while the rest of them were playing the game. There was no one else that could be wandering the halls. Before he was able to come up with an explanation for it, the doors opened.

A built, lean figure took a step forward, wearing a uniform belonging to the Blade of Marmora. 

"Keith!" Shiro was the first one to call out, jumping up out of his seat to pull his brother into a hug. Keith chuckled, waving to everyone with a free hand. 

The others joined in on the hug. Coran called the missing two over and they all were in a giant clump of people. Everyone was all there, well except Lance. They didn't notice him slip out of the lounge, ready to head back to his room. He just felt really out of place, wanting to stay out of the way. He stayed in his room until a Galra attack the next day.

They went out, formed Voltron, Keith giving them backup in his own ship, and then they returned back to eat dinner. Lance skipped out again, opting to practice some training techniques and doing something productive.

"Start training, level three sequence" he stated firmly, pulling out his bayard. 

He went on for hours, alone except for the bots that would never stop coming "Level five!" he shouted, wanting nothing more than to be at least half as strong as any of his teammates. 

Bots would surround him while the drones shot at him. One would throw him down, the other attack, and another would keep him pinned down as more shot at him. It didn't matter how many bruises, scratches or cuts he got, all Lance wanted was to be stronger.

 _Maybe if he was stronger, they would care_

His arms ached and his head was pounding, making it hard to stop the waves of enemies.

_Maybe if he was better, they would notice you_

They had gotten his back, now hitting him from behind while even more were coming from the front.

_If you could do something right for once, they would like you!_

"End training" he bites out, panting from exhaustion with tears that are threatening to spill.

He sits there on the floor for another few dobashes until he pushed back all the bad thoughts in his head. With a steadying breath, Lance pulls himself up. He limps slightly to his room, wiping away a single tear that falls down his cheek, both frustrated with himself and everything around him. Its about 4:30 am when he finally fell asleep, giving into the welcoming ease of unconsciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

Keith might be many things, but a complete idiot is not one of them. Usually, he reserves that title for Lance, but given how much time has passed since he actually interacted with the paladin, he could've changed while they've been apart. Highly unlikely, but still possible.

He has been back for about a week now, his mother was back in the base with the Blades of Marmora and he felt a little homesick for the people he's lived with for so long, they're family. At this point, he's had the chance to talk with everyone, catch up on everything, and goof off. Well, everyone except Lance.

Part of Keith is relieved that he doesn't have to interact with him, knowing how annoying and cocky he could get from time to time, but the rest of him worries slightly. Unsure if its directly because of something he might’ve done or if something was just wrong. After asking around for a bit, he came to the conclusion that it wasn't anything that he did, rather Lance has just been missing from their usual team bonding moments or meals. Not that it made him feel any better.

He only ever sees Lance when they go out as a team to form Voltron or when he's walking to or from the training deck. Another week passes and its beginning to get on his nerves. 

The teen had made an appearance during lunch, laughing, joking, being his usual self. It was infuriating and Keith couldn't tell why.

Since he was a kid, Keith loved to people watch. He didn't like talking, he has always been a man of few words, but when he did talk, it was calculated and thought out. He would watch others, saw how they moved, what made them tick. Observed every single thing about them, being able to read them like an open book. It was the easiest way to find the best thing to say and how to stay on someone's good side. His only real issue was his short temper, but that was because onky because his lack of skill in the people department. 

Now, he had someone else he wanted to understand. Lance always liked to be included, to act like he was so much greater than he was, but now noticing how detached he is from everyone while maintaining the same attitude as always...something is _off_ and Keith wants to know what it is.

\---------

Its been a month and nothing has changed. He feels almost like he knows _less_ than he did when he started this little mission. Keith is almost ready to just give up. If Lance was going to act like this, the so be it - but he still wanted to figure him out.

"Hey, um, Hunk?" he finds himself standing in the kitchen asking Hunk of all people about Lance.

"You here to try some of my newest recipe? I haven't tried it yet so it could be bad, but that's a risk I'm willing to take" he smiles widely as he pushes a spoonful of whatever that neon blue substance was inside his mouth "Mmmmmm, OMG this is soooo good, here try some!" 

"Uh, no thanks" he pushes the spoon away "Hunk, hows Lance?" he asks, unsure of himself.

"I'm not too sure, I don't see him around so much between cooking in the kitchen, teaching Coran how to prepare some of my recipes, and working on things with Pidge" he chirps happily

"Oh, because I don't see him around either. In fact, I've only heard him talk three times since I've been back and that's when he ate with us those three times" he continues, hopefully making the yellow paladin catch on to what he really means. 

"Hm, that's weird. What about when we all hugged you when you came back, he talked to you then, right?" Hunk continued to make more of the goo

"I don't even remember seeing him there. He was in the room when I showed up, but he was gone before anyone else left" 

His forehead creased in worry "That doesn't sound like Lance, maybe you should go talk to him?"

Keith sighed "Yeah, maybe I should" 

He walked away, thinking of the best way to approach the situation. Should he wait until he sees him wandering the halls? Maybe joining him in some training? Should he go and confront him now in his room? 

Better now than never, so after checking everywhere else, Keith was stood in front of Lance's door, arm hovering midair, not exactly sure if he wants to turn back or not. Curiosity got the better of himself and he knocked on the metal door.

Behind it, he could hear someone scrambling around, Keith wondered what he might've been doing. Suddenly, the door opened and Lance appeared right in front of him.

"Oh hey, Mr. Mullet, what's up?" he smiled easily, leaning against the frame

"I just wanted to see how you were doing" he said, staring intensely at the boy in front of him, searching for something

"Aw, how sweet, you're worried about widdle ow' Wance" he teased

Keith sighed, maybe nothing was wrong and Lance is just working on some sort of project alone or just decided to leave everyone alone. "I haven't seen you at all since I showed up, but I guess you're same as always so I'll just go then" he finishes harshly. Almost angry about the whole thing.

"Sorry, didn't mean to bother you" Lance says quickly, glancing down at his feet. The shift in tone was sudden and odd, he must've caught it too because he adds quickly with a smirk "I haven't had enough time to catch up on my beauty sleep, so I might be more annoying than usual" 

That was ... strange. Maybe he _was_ right after all and something was going on with Lance. 

"Why aren't you around during meals?" Keith decides to push his luck

"Well, y'know, my eating schedule isn't the same as everyone else. I end up eating before or after you guys"

"Oh"

"If you don't have anymore questions, then I have a date with a facemask I should be getting to" 

"Yeah, that was it I guess, but hey, do you think that maybe today or sometime soon we should all hang out as a group” Keith looks shyly at the floor

“I’ve gotten to talk with everyone except you, I don’t really want to exclude you or anything”

Lance seemed almost shocked, but he quickly recovered. 

“Sure, I might be able to fit it in, though I’ll have to cancel my 3 o’clock photo shoot tomorrow” 

“Whatever, idiot” he chuckles as he begins so walk away

“Oh and Keith” 

“Yeah?” He stops dead in his tracks and turns to his fellow teammate

“If you want to take Red back, just let me know. I don’t really think they like me all that much” he offers a sad smile

“No, you’re the red lion’s paladin and Red chose you for a reason” 

Lance sighs “okay”

“You’re an important member of Voltron, don’t forget it” 

They both stood still for a moment “Thanks” he says softly. 

Keith can’t help to wonder if there’s something that lies deeper than his place on the team. They already covered that problem before, so why did Lance bring it up again? It seems like there’s more to the problem, but for now, he’ll settle for this.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so I really do love Shiro, like,, I love my space dad, but this is Kuron remember, its clone shiro and he's a complete jerk, especially with Haggar controlling his brain. Pls dont hate me for making him the bad guy rn.
> 
> Also: woaAh ansgt alert. I think this is gonna get a lot darker so pls be careful reading this. I'll add warnings and put stuff in the tags, btu I'm still not sure how bad it'll get

It felt weird. Keith had ... willingly gone over to check on him? He looked concerned?

He tries to pretend the roar of giddiness that swelled in his chest doesn't exist, but just for a moment, he allowed himself to indulge in the feeling. It didn’t last long anyway, the monsters in his head had gotten their dirty claws on the only shred of happiness he has and tore it to smithereens. 

_Why would Keith care? It must be for some ulterior motive. There’s no way anyone could actually care about you, Lance_

He sighed, flopping back down onto his bed. They were right, Keith probably was glad that he hadn't been around and was only pretending to care. Nobody really cares about Lance anyway. It was obvious from the start and after dying and not being given a second glance, he truly realized how true that statement was. Any kind of hope he had felt earlier was completely wiped away as he let his mind run rampant. His stomached ached from hunger, a burning sensation he had become accustom too. Had he been in a better state of mind, he might've walked over to the kitchen to make something similar to a sandwich, but all he needed now was to sleep. 

Lance doesn't sleep a lot.

Contrary to popular belief, he hardly sleeps at all.

It was an issue he's had since he was about thirteen years old, however it became worse and worse the older he got.

As of now, he could manage about three hours a night if he was tired enough, but he also took a few fifteen minute naps in between. For the most part, it was because of nightmares. Terrifying things that felt so real, he wasn't ever sure he woke up. 

It didn't matter right now. He doesn't care about dreaming of coming home only to see that he was too late. He doesn't care if he hears his friends scream in his dreams, unable to help them. He has no care to any kind of nightmare his brain wants to conjure up. Anything would be better than the kind of tormenting he feels while awake.

Hopefully, he can sleep off the hunger and have enough energy to act like himself. Well, like the Lance they all know, the fake one with the smiles and laughter. 

\--------

About half an hour later, Allura was telling everyone to head into their lions. There was a Galra attack on a nearby planet and they needed the aid of the Paladins. Apparently, Lotor had known the Galra were targeting that area for some time and it was all the princess needed to know before rushing out.

Lance forces himself upwards, ready to play his usual role of a goofball screw up. He threw on his armor hastily and ran to the hangar, already hearing the others all confirm they're on their way. He was the last to fly out, but not by too long, nobody even noticed. They formed Voltron, now able to start taking out ships like it was nothing, except now more and more had started showing up, almost like they were planning something. They broke apart, decided they could try to take out all the fighter ships more easily if they were doing it individually. 

It looked like they were all taking them down with no hassle at all. Pidge was using her vine cannon to tear through each ship while Shiro uses the jaw blade to attack. Hunk barrels through them, crushing them beyond repair. Allura freezes as many as she can, giving everyone more time to fight. Keith had his own ship to pilot, weaving in and out of paths and shooting things down like second nature. Coran was having his own fun in the ship as well. Lance is the only one who feels like he's not doing much. To be honest, ever since he died, its difficult to get inside of Red, he feels like the lion almost holds a grudge against him, but he can't tell if its the ideas Red is feeding into his mind or if its his own self loathing. 

Everything around him is becoming overwhelming, it feels like every time he manages to get one down, three more pop up. He can feelshimself slowly become hysterical. 

_Why can't he just destroy the ships? They're right there, just **shoot them!**_

He kept missing and missing and missing each hit and it was getting him angry. Over the comms, he could hear Shiro getting agitated.

"Lance, you need to do something, we're all working really hard over here and you're just messing around" 

Ouch, yeah that stung.

He took a steadying breath, putting the mask back on. "Sorry, Shiro, I'll try harder"

Eventually, they had finished the final wave of fleets and double checked no more were coming. It seemed like they decided to fall back to preserve what they still had. They landed on the planet, looking for the injured and trying to reunite families with the aliens that were almost captured. They finished not so long later and were thanked by the leader and asked to stay for dinner. They accepted and ate. Shiro congratulated everyone except for Lance. Never Lance. 

He pretends not to notice, no one else did. He just keeps the same grin on his face and continues eating his portion of purple and orange spotted food.

A few hours later and they finally head back to the castle. Lance just wants to curl up in a ball and die, but he knows that the Black Paladin is going to want to talk to him. He tries to mentally brace himself for it, knowing that ever since they found him, he's been especially touchy and loves to take it out on Lance. He really doesn't mind all too much, coming from a large family where he's the middle child - he tends to be the verbal punching bag, even if its all in good fun.

"I just wanted to tell everyone you did a great job out there" he smiles, but it turns into something closer to a grimace "Except you, Lance. You've been slacking off recently, I'm disappointed in the fighting we saw from you. Maybe if you would actually _try_ , we wouldn't have had such a hard time with the Galra this time around"

The teen had to use every bit of willpower he had to keep from making himself look smaller.

_Keep up the act. You gotta sell it_

If he wasn't a Padalin, he could probably become an actor.

His back is straight like a soldier, shoulders back, head up. A playful smirk is on his lips that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"Huh, I thought it was because we were set up, not sure if you remember, but there was like, two hundred fighter ships on us for a while"

"What?" Shiro challenged

"You know what, forget it, I'm heading to bed" he turns around to leave but an hand seized him by the shoulder and spun him back.

"I'm getting sick and tired of you and your fucking jokes, so you better cut the crap now before I get Keith to fly the red lion again" he spits. 

Behind Lance, he hears Hunk make a hissing noise, wincing at the words that weren't even directed towards him. Even so, no one made a move to help him. "Go ahead and replace me, I'm heading to bed" he finishes angrily, taking a step back to get out of the man's grasp. 

He doesn't care. He really doesn't. Keith can have Red. Lance doesn't even belong on the team and its becoming more increasingly obvious. So instead of going to his room like he intended to, he walked back to the training deck and began to work. He was upset and hurt, but the moment his angry façade would fade, he'd become a mess of tears and he might do something he would regret.

So he kept fueling the fire in his heart, setting the level to seven and letting whatever damage to happen to him come from the bots. He just needed to stay angry. Just needed to have something else hurt him physically. Just needed an outlet.

No one came after him, they let him be. Maybe they forgot he existed again. Didn't matter. Pidge had Hunk, Allura had Lotor (even if Lotor was probably evil but only pretending to be on their side), Coran was busy fixing the castle and Keith had Shiro. The last pair of names hurt to think of, but it doesn't matter.

Nothing matters. 

_Nothing matters._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAH I’ve just been in this huge emotional slump for so long, I needed some comfort in here bc I’m pretty much projecting myself on Lance and if he doesn’t get some comfort, I don’t either. There will be more langst to come after this tho 
> 
> **WARNING** : mentions of blood and injuries. Nothing too major but still wanted to put this out there.

“Shiro, that was harsh, even for you” Keith tried his hardest to keep his head level, but it proved to be a difficult task. 

“You all saw how he was messing around back there, someone could’ve gotten hurt” he retorted

It was hard to miss the emotion in Lance’s eyes. There was a dark tint in them, looking more dead than alive. Shiro was being an absolute dick and looks like poor Lance was the one who got hurt. 

“Yeah, but you can’t just _single him out_ like that!” He growls, but then pauses to continue the calm composure he needs. 

“Look, I don’t know why you were lashing out on him, but that was a lot and you should lay off for a while. I’m gonna go find him” 

With that, Keith marched off, leaving behind the rest of the stunned team. The teen searches all around the castle, starting with the rooms, then heading to the kitchen. When he can’t find him even still, he checks outside too. No Lance. 

Keith is ready to just go to bed too when he hears groaning from the training deck. By now it’s getting close to midnight and everyone else has retired to their rooms. He pokes his head through the doorway and sees the paladin, pressing a hand to his shin while he sat in the floor. He pulled out his shield, looking back and forth from his wounded leg to the bots in front of him. There were several other scratches, but none of them were bad. Keith is ready to run in there to help, but Lance lowers his shield and pulls out the bayard, allowing it to transform into the gun he uses so often. He takes them out one by one successfully. 

All the robots drop through the floor to the repair room below and finally, Lance ends the training sequence. He tried getting up but stops when he winces. 

That was Keith’s cue to run down. 

“Hey hey hey, let me help you there buddy” he says in a soft voice, trying to figure out how bad the injury was. 

There was a small puddle of blood on the floor, but the wound itself didn’t look too bad. It crawled up from just above the ankle and twisted up about six inches before it ended. Luckily, it wasn’t deep. It just bled a lot from where it was located. He helped him limp over to a bench on the side and he got on his knees to wrap up the cut. 

“I’m fine, I got this, Mullet” he forces a smile, but Keith knows it’s bullshit. 

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Didn’t expect you’d be training in here” Keith ignores the statement

Lance winces as the other boy starts wrapping up his leg with gauze from the first aid kit. 

“Yeah well, no one expect me to be doing anything productive, right” Lance’s voice trailed off toward the end. Obvious of the implication. 

“What Shiro said was completely out of line.” He told him honestly. 

“He was right, though”

“He wasn’t. He was being too hard on you and I made sure to tell him that.” 

“Y-you did?” Lance looked so genuinely shocked, it almost hurt a little. 

“Of course I did” he smiles softly

There was a brief pause, Keith finishing wrapping up his leg, looking for any other injuries that need to be taken care of. When he was satisfied with his work, he got up to sit next to the boy. 

“It’s late, why did you keep training?”

“Sleep is for the weak, am I right?” He smirks, but now Keith is tired of the pretend person he tries to be. 

“You don’t have to keep acting like this y’know” he says bluntly 

“What do you mean?” Confusion covers Lance’s features

“I can tell that you’re not happy, you don’t need to pretend in front of me”

“Since when have you become so perceptive?” He mutters under his breath

Keith slouches back onto the wall, sighing deeply “I just like to watch how people work, and ever since I came back, I just couldn’t figure you out”

“Oh, so you like a guy with a little mystery” he jokes, but quickly stops “Sorry, it’s just, I don’t know. This whole thing - it’s my way of coping I guess”

He turns to the other boy and watches his eyes flicker over Lance’s body. 

“What do you mean?” Keith turned to look at the paladin, even more interested in him than before. 

Lance rubs the back of his neck then mumbles “Do you want to go back to my room or something? I’d rather be sitting on a comfortable bed with an actual closed off room if I’m going to spill my secrets to you”

Keith considers this for a moment then rises to his feet “We’ll go to my room. It’s closer and you shouldn’t be putting too much weight on your leg”

Soon enough, they were in the room, door closed and locked. Lance sat anxiously on the middle of the bed while Keith sat criss cross applesauce on the floor. 

“So you wanna tell me or..” He breaks the since after a few minutes 

“Sorry, is just kind of preparing myself I guess”

He feels instant regret and backtracks a little “You don’t have to say anything, I hope you know you don’t owe me an explanation for anything” 

Lance sighs “But I do, I haven’t been around and you deserve to know what’s going on. Especially because we got closer before you left and I think I owe you that much. ”

He takes a steadying breath then begins to speak. “I’m not sure where to start so I’ll start with you leaving. I didn’t really realize how much time I spent with you until you weren’t here and everyone else was busy with their own things. I felt really left out and that started it a little, but there’s been things before that too. I’m just really, _really_ homesick. I miss it so much, I try to think about the day I’ll finally come back.”

A bittersweet smile finds its way into the padalin’s face but it doesn’t last long. 

“And then I died and it only made me feel worse because nobody cared...” he grumbles. 

_Wait wait wait, hold on now. Lance fucking **died?**_

Keith couldn’t hear after that, his brain only focusing on Lance, motionless on the ground, eyes blank and void of life. Was he bleeding out? Did he get striked down in battle? 

A chill ran down Keith’s spine and Lance must’ve noticed it.

“Hey, you alright there?” He leaned closer to his friend, almost forgetting everything that he was talking about before. 

Keith stands up, without a word and sits down right next to Lance on the bed. He turns his body and pulls him into a hug, trying to focus on the warmth of his body and the rhythm of his breathing. 

Lance looks worried for a moment, but the teen spoke softly as he held him “I didn’t even know you died, and even if you think no one cares, I care a lot”

That was when he finally wrapped his own arms around the smaller boy’s body. After being gone for two years in that alien place, he was definitely a lot bigger, but he was just half an inch shorter and Lance still liked that. 

“It’s - it’s okay. I was only gone for a minute or two” he tries to keep emotions in check, but after bottling them up and convincing yourself that no one pays attention when someone finally does - it’s hard to say the least. 

“I don’t care if it was a minute or if it was a year, I don’t even want to imagine what would’ve happened if they couldn’t bring you back. I know that they care, but if you don’t believe it, know that _I_ care.”

Keith hears light sniffling and feels a tear soak through the back of his shirt. Lance pulls away from the hug first, mumbling another apology as he wipes his eyes. 

“You’re still in your clothes from earlier, if you want I have a spare change of pajamas you could use” he looked awkwardly at the floor

“It’s okay, I can walk back to my room” he tries to get up but hisses in pain, a soft string of spanish curse words come from his mouth then he looks up again “Actually, yeah, I’ll just stay here”

Keith tosses over plain white t-shirt and a pair of red shorts to Lance, going over to the bathroom to change first before helping Lance. That thing must’ve hurt like a bitch, it was still bleeding after all.

When he returned, the paladin was pulling his jeans away from his injury. It was wrapped up still, but it bled through and probably would get stuck to the clothing if not handled quick enough. 

“I kind of wish that the healing pods were working, but we aren’t sure how many more uses it can take so we’re leaving them alone, otherwise I think this would be a lot less awkward” he laughs, but it’s forced. 

“It’s okay, I don’t mind” 

Lance just asks him to help him stand and lean on the dresser. After that he could do it himself. Keith turned his back around, giving some privacy, but didn’t want to leave in case he fell, hurting himself further. 

“I got pants on now, I’m sitting down” he said more to himself than anyone else. 

Keith handed him the shirt and pretended to not watch him shirtless. There were bruises of varying range, some yellowed like they were almost gone while others were practically black. Scars also covered his torso, few were faded but most looked to be still pinkish. Like they were only several months old. 

There was a twinge in his heart, but Keith pushed past it. “You can take the bed, I have some books I wanted to read and I can do that while you get some shut eye” lies, pretending to not be absolutely exhausted for Lance’s sake. He was the one training for hours already with a hurt leg, not Keith. 

“I’m not tired” he says, but really he just doesn’t want to wake up an hour later and not be able to fall asleep again. 

“Remember, you don’t need to pretend. I’m not leaving, okay. Just get some rest” he says patiently. 

“No, I, uh... I _can’t_ sleep.” Lance confesses

Keith looks at him questioningly, but then understands. Insomnia. That makes sense. 

He gets up and sits down next to the boy, grabbing a book from his desk and opening it right up. 

After a few seconds, he speaks softly into the silence, thinking of anything to say to make it more comfortable.

“This was a book I used to read all the time on Earth. I always kept it with my things in case I ever had to leave suddenly. I don’t know why I love it so much, but I guess now I can identify with it a little more” Keith chuckles. 

“What’s it about?” He leaned closer to the teen

“It’s a retelling of the fairy tale ‘The Brave Little Tailor’. This girl’s mom died and her dad - well to be honest, he sounds like he’s abusive. He gets sick and can’t work as a tailor. They’re about to go broke when she decides to dress like a guy and call herself the tailor’s apprentice. She’s always afraid of being caught, she could be killed for it, but she does it anyway. At some point, there’s these giants that take her brother. Well it was a homeless kid she took in, but they were practically family. She outsmarted the giants and they left. 

“She was called the champion and was supposed to marry the Princess. This guy, Lord Verras, he knew her secret and had to help her and stuff. Things got really complicated for a little bit, especially when they found out it was the Duke who was trying to take the King’s throne and use the giants to get it. 

“There was a war, and she ended up being the reason why they won. She goes out as herself and not the boy she pretended to be and at the very end, well I don’t want to spoil it for you” he smiles fondly. 

The book was called _Valiant_ by Sarah McGuire. He was always afraid to tell people about it because their first thought would be something along the lines of the story being for girls. Really, he just loved how the main character was an angry person, but could keep her head cool in intense situations. 

The whole thing about pretending to be someone she’s not made him think of being half Galra. For a while, he tried pretending that he wasn’t. That maybe there was just something wrong with the blade and it was all a lie, but he knew it was true. He wondered for a moment - if his life mirror _Valiant_ , who was to be his love interest?

The book was open and Lance had his head rested on Keith’s shoulder, already reading the first couple paragraphs.

“Yeah, I see how you relate to her. She sounds small and angry too” he looks up and smiles 

Lance asked him to read out loud, and before they made it to chapter four, the boy was already curled up, asleep on Keith’s arm. He tries to ignore the flush he feels creeping up his face, and moved him gently to be in a more comfortable position. 

Eventually, he managed to maneuver the two of them to be laying on the bed, Lance had an arm extended over Keith’s chest and his head was resting peacefully next to him. 

He fell asleep easily to the sound of the other teen’s soft snores. They didn’t wake up until an alert the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As or right now, Klance is more in the friend territory than relationship bc I don’t wanna make it seem like ‘wowie I love him and he loves me too. Depression cured!’ so it’ll take some more pining and Late Night Talks™️ before they figure things out and sort of Lance’s mental health. This IS a slowburn after all.
> 
> ALSO: Valiant by Sarah mcGuire is my absolute FAVORITE book ever I highly suggest reading it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m trying to make this parallel the canon but after making Keith come back sooner, I totally forgot about all that junk with Lotor and I just quickly summarized it to skip past it and do the ‘we’re going home’ stuff. if u dont wanna read it, just skip to the '---' part and by then they're already post season 6. also we get to see some pining!keith here. poor keef don't know what hit 'em

Everything had been going so well. So well , it was about time something went wrong. Allura and Lotor had apparently gone out, they were doing some sort of mission, one Lance wasn't too clear about, but Krolia had called while they were gone. 

They awoke to Coran sounding the alarms, and each ran down in their padalin armor. It looked like Keith was about to ask Lance if he needed an extra minute, but he grit his teeth and gets ready without hesitation. 

_Prove to them you are strong._

When the five of them were all present, Krolia begins to explain the situation. She found an Altaen, Romelle. She told them that everything Lotor had told them was a lie. He was not doing anything to help the world, he was following in the footsteps as his father and could prove to be even more dangerous than Zarkon.

Most seemed shock, but not Lance. Never Lance. He could tell from the start that the prince was no trustworthy person. 

Just a few moments later, Allura walks through the doors, Lotor in tow, they all turn to see the couple, weapons raised to their betrayer. Allura seems shocked at first, she asks what happened, why are they all on defense, when Lance finally answers. He tells her what he's been up to and she turns around, watching him beg for her to listen. She knocks him out cold, throwing him to the ground.

That's when everything begins happening too fast, one thing after another after another. Lotor's generals had breached the Castle, Shiro had gone crazy and ran off with Lotor, and Keith made it through the wormhole Shiro was going through, piloting the Black Lion. They returned to the castle and everything was shutting down, Pidge fixed it, but all systems were down. When things had started running again, Lotor was back and they were all fighting in the quintessesnce field. So many things were happening, it was too much to process.

There were rifts caused by their fight and the only thing possible to fix it would to be sacrificing the Castle of Lions.

By the time it was all over, they touched down on a planet and had brought back the real Shiro because according to Keith, tthe one they had known for the past few months was only a clone. Lance felt tears drip down his face, recalling the time when the man tried to call out to him in the astral plane, but he couldn't hear him. He could've helped. He should've -

_We're going home_

The only comfort he held now was the thought of returning to Earth. Lance hid himself away in Red, smiling softly at the view of Kaltenecker, but it quickly turned to a frown. This was a lot to process, this was ... he just needs some time to be alone for a bit. So he did.

They all stayed on the planet overnight, deciding the Lions needed rest just as much as the paladins. Hunk made some sort of makeshift dinner, but Lance wasn't hungry. He was far too angry with himself to even think of stomaching food. How could he be so stupid to think that Lotor might not have been a foe, to not pay attention to Shiro, to be so idiotic to let things like this happen. 

Rationally, he knew none of this was directly his fault, but even so, he felt like he was a large part of the blame. Now more than ever, he felt isolated in his red lion, completely alone from everyone besides a cow. Home was the only place he felt like he could belong, but even that would be a stretch. He was forgotten at home a lot, never the top of his class at the Garrison, and now he lost a home here in space for not paying close enough attention. 

Another tear rolled down his cheek, but unlike last time, he let them flow. Self hatred coursing through his very being. He should've been better. Should've tried harder. Clone Shiro was still right, if he..

If he would've tried, maybe it wouldn't have been so difficult this time around.

He could've pushed a little harder, maybe all of Voltron could have made it through the wormhole. Then Keith wouldn't have to have that burn scar on his face. 

It was all his fault, every single thing. It was him. He held back Voltron, and with how difficult today had proven, he's better off in isolation anyway. It's better to cut off the cancer before it grows. Keith broke down some walls, and look what happened. He should've just stayed alone.

He shouldn't have let Keith in

He should just be alone.

\-----

Going home will take a lot of time, the entire team knows that. From Pidge's calculations, it should be about six months average, counting their breaks and using the lions' speeds a little less than full speed. Because of this, they are now much more aware of each other's presence, or lack of. Lance was distant before, and they all understand that they need time to get through what happened last week, but this was getting to be a little much.

Even still, they hardly worried, Hunk was positive he was napping or doing skin treatments and they all would agree with him.

Keith still felt the odd twinge in his chest in the paladin's rare appearances, whether from empathy or ... something else, it didn't matter. Lance needed time. Not too long ago, Allura had looked frustrated and Keith was willing to help. She told him all about how she knew of Lance’s crush on her and after Lotor’s betrayal, that they hugged. She understood it was meant to be in a friendly manner, but still worried he'd continue to fall for her when she could not reciprocate his feelings.

Lance was probably just trying to sort through emotions. He wanted to be by himself. That's probably why the teen purposely avoided Keith, or still would talk to everyone but would get silent when the conversation came around to him. 

It was for the best he tried to tell himself, but it felt like they were at the start all over again and it was killing him. 

"Oh, so what nice Glibmore got you looking so lovesick there number four" Coran had shown up out of no where, scaring the living crap out of Keith.

"Coran, holy shit, don't _do that!_ " 

The man only laughs, taking a quick view around the market place. They had landed on a planet with friendly aliens that were apparently called Glibmores. Weird name, right? 

"And no, I don't uh _like_ any of the people here" 

"Ah, well someone has you looking like a kicked yupper puppy, I just assumed it was love because of the dilation of your pupils. On Altea, the eyes were always a telltale sign of love, but maybe it's not true for humans"

There was a pink blush that dusted Keith's face. Did Coran indirectly imply he's in love with...

No. He knows he's not and never will be. Besides, Lance has a thing for Allura. It'll never happen.

"Coran, tell me more about the Alteans" he scoots over a seat on the staircase he was sitting on and the man takes it happily.

"The people were lovely" he smiled fondly "I do wish you all could have seen it, but now we know of more Altean survivors so maybe one day.”

They began to talk while everyone else ran off to do whatever they wanted. Occasionally, they’d see someone wander back to where they were located, but it wasn’t too busy. There wasn’t much to see way over in the back where they sat.

A few vargas had past now and Keith decided it was time to hit the road again. “Paladins, let’s return to our lions” he spoke with authority. 

Before long, they were back in space. The main comms were filled with everyone talking about the cool new things they bought. After saving a few planets along the way, some had given them money as a thanks. Seeing that all they had were some dollars and coins, taking actual space money would be a good idea. 

“- nd they have just this amazing sweetness to it that would be so good with the food goo we -“

“Hey Lance, did you buy anything” Keith interrupts the chatter, he hasn’t even heard the other paladin’s voice in so long ... he just needs to hear it again. 

“Wha- me?” He asks incredulous, like he was never expected to talk 

“Well I wonder who else here is named Lance” Pidge snorts on the other line

“I, uh, I didn’t buy anything”

This time it was Allura who spoke up "But I thought you were going to get those -"

"I changed my mind" he cuts her off, sounding uncomfortable

"You looked like you really wanted it, was it too much?" she asked, not taking the hint

"I just didn't want it." Lance snaps. It goes silent and he sighs "I'm gonna put Red on autopilot and check on Kaltenecker, I'll talk later"

Something feels really off about the whole thing, but Keith doesn't push. They all needed their space and he still needed his. 

\------

Lance never went back on the comms after that. They landed for the night and he didn't even bother leaving Red. He felt like he was being childish, but he just couldn’t keep his mask on right. It felt like every little thing was going to set him off and it was infuriating. 

After all that's happened in his life, why is it only now he's beginning to reach his breaking point? Yeah, Lotor's betrayal stung, Clone Shiro was even worse, and losing the castle was traumatizing, but this kind of feeling that overcomes Lance feels so strange and it hurts. Its cold and suffocating. 

It reminds him of being on the beach, sneaking out to enjoy the waves splashing at his heels. It was welcoming at first, disguising itself as something innocent and no more threatening than the water from the faucet. But he tried swimming and got pulled under. The sea water filled his lungs and they burned for oxygen. No one knew he was out there, they all slept soundly in their rooms as Lance struggled under the moon's sky. 

Every time he had thought he would resurface, another crashing wave brought him down. He felt like he was on fire, but also freezing to death. Tears mixed with the water and he knew that he was the only one who could save him, but maybe he wasn't enough. He should've told someone, he should've told someone, _he should've told someone!_

It felt like there was a lifetime of fighting, decades past since he first began to drown, years since he could remember what it felt like to breath, months until he finally got the courage to swim to shore. 

Lance had no one there to save him except himself and he would die for it. The only thing that kept him going was the thought of his family the next morning. He pulled himself out and coughed up the burning saltwater. He walked back home and went to his bed and never told a soul.

This was the same thing, but he wasn't sure if he had the same willpower to save the day this time. He knows he should tell someone, but drowning is so much easier than trying to swim. He was on fire, but freezing cold. His heart hurt so bad, but he had no fight left. He can't swim to shore and his family doesn't even know.

Keith doesn't even know.

The thought of the teen makes Lance feel like static. His mind just feels fuzzy and foggy with no sense of direction. Keith cleared away the fog more than once, but knowing that he is in total isolation, everything is static. Why now of all times does he feel like falling apart when he's already dealt with so much worse?

Everyone has a breaking point, maybe he is just finding his now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yea the last pov shift with lance was prob just me venting a bit lol. its summer rn and i am completely isolating myself from like everyone and i just feel lost but hA yeah who cares,, just gotta love that Depression Summer Vibes :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BIG TRIGGER WARNING. I DECIDED TO GO ALL ANGST ON THIS FIC AND WOAH THIS GOT SOME BIG TRIGGERS. 
> 
> Mentioned/Reference/implied Self harm
> 
> DONT READ IF IT TRIGGERS YOU, STAY SAFE

Things were quiet.

Lance hated the silence.

It meant that no one cared for his usual chatter, for the jokes he would make, or for the things he'd do to make sure they all smiled. They were probably all thankful he had stopped and don't want to talk to him for risk he'd start back up again like he did before. 

_They all hate you, Lance_

When they would land on some planet for a short break or to stay the night, it became harder and harder to leave his lion. He didn't want to put on the same mask. He didn't want to pretend he was fine while they all watched him with disappointment and anger. Soon he will be back home, soon he will feel his mamá's hugs again and see all of his little primos and how they've grown. A sad smile finds itself on his lips, imagining how distraught they might've been while he was gone.

The only family he had ever really known was the one on Earth, team Voltron was nice, but they never cared for Lance like his own brothers and sisters did. Part of the blame is on himself, for being such an annoying person. Lance decided that when he gets back home... when he returns back, he's leaving Voltron. For good.

A hot tear rolled down his cheek at the thought. In the depths of his mind he could feel anger from the Red lion.

If she could talk, Red would probably be telling him how he can't leave, that she needs her Paladin.

"Shiro is back, Keith will pilot you again" he whispers to her, if he spoke any louder, his voice would break with emotion

She continues to send this kind of energy through him, no he can't just leave. He's important. They will miss him.

"They won't" he murmurs "I can promise you they won't"

Red gets frustrated and Lance thinks to himself how bad he must be to even make his own lion angry with him. The moment he completes his thought, however, Red's entire attitude shifts back. The cold he's felt deep inside himself since Allura woke him from death had thawed slightly.

She was comforting him, but unfortunately he was a lost cause.

"Don't do that, girl. I don't deserve it. Save your energy for flying. I'll be fine, I promise" he tells her, knowing that he was pushing away the only thing left that seems to care for him.

She wants to disagree, but then leaves him alone too. The frost settles back in again and Lance sighs in resignation. Ironic that he was the paladin of a lion who was the guardian to fire, but he's never felt so cold and empty before in his life.

He chokes out a laugh, but it sounds wrong. It's hollow and devoid of emotion. "I'm gonna rest, you keep on flyin' there, girl." he tells her, getting up and moving to the back where he can spread out. 

Kaltenecker is sleeping too, the cow laying on her stomach on top of all the blankets. Lance would've smiled at the sight if he wasn't so drained right now. He lays himself down on his makeshift bed and forces his eyes closed, already knowing what nightmare is to come.

\----

"Earth to Lance, do you copy?!" Pidge's voice sounded unamused and irritated, nothing out of the ordinary when it came to the former blue paladin.

Lance threw open his eyes in alarm, gasping for air. Sleep was never fun, but it passed the time and he was at the point of exhaustion where if he didn't get some rest soon, he'd collapse. Vaguely aware of his surroundings, he had pulls himself up to a sitting position, wiping away beads of sweat on his forehead and trying to calm himself down.

His helmet was on the floor and he reached over to pick it up just as Pidge called him again.

"Lance you better answer the fucki-"

"I'm here you little gremlin" he tries to sound like his usual self, but even he can admit it sounds strained. If any of them noticed, no one said a thing.

"We landed on a planet, but Red refuses to land. Where are you?" she asks

"Oh sorry, I needed a break, didn't realize you've already found a planet" 

"You and your stupid breaks" she huffs under her breath "Alright, just hurry up and land, the rest of us want to explore the area and we're all waiting on you"

"Go ahead and check it out, I'll catch up later" Wow, talking was a lot more tiring than he remembers. Of course the only time anyone wants to say something to him is when he messes something up. 

Lance takes a deep breath, still trying to push down the images he saw in his nightmare, and sits down to pilot his lion. He lands fast enough and looks like they all took his advice and ditched him because no one was there when he walked out. 

The planet looked similar enough to tropical forests back on Earth, maybe with some more alien looking plants, but it wasn't all too different than what he was used to. Lance debated going after them, would they even want to see him? He's been isolating himself so much for the past couple weeks and they have yet to notice so ... maybe he should just stay inside. The only thing he did was let Kaltenecker go outside and stretch her legs, making sure she was secured to a tree or something so she wouldn't wander off. Somewhere in the distance, he hear something similar to his name, but he knew they already left so instead of going after it, he hid inside Red and let his dark thoughts consume his mind.

No more talking. No one asked where he was. They didn't care. 

Theydon'tcaretheydon'tcaretheydon'tcare

His brain kept repeating the words, never stopping until he would believe it with his entire being. 

Lance doesn't blame them. No, not at all. He never told Hunk how they don't spend time together, nor does he ask Pidge what she's doing anymore. He stays back from Allura, knowing that he's the last thing she wants to see and knows Keith probably still hates him. 

_Keith_

His heart hurts, a feeling he's still not used to. Keith pitied him the day Lance hurt his leg in training. It was pity and he would not care about Lance otherwise. 

He glanced down to his leg, pushing away the armor and rolling up the pant leg. The skin was raised and still pink. It hurt if he pressed on it, but other than that it was fine. He had been hurt enough times to know what he can take, how far he can push his body until it's too much. Lance has several other scars, but none of them look as bad as the one on his leg. 

Most of them are on his hips, where no one would ever see them. The boy never did it for attention. He never wanted other people to see them. He never wanted his mamá to see them.

There were few on his arms, those were the only ones she could ever see and he'd lie to her every time she asked. It made him feel terrible and he'd make more scars as punishment.

"Ay! Que paso?" she would wince, noticing a particularly deep cut on the inside of his arm nearing his elbow  
(Ouch! What happened)

"Lo siento, mamá, Me caí de mi bicicleta y aterricé sobre el vidrio" he answered, grateful he came up with an excuse earlier on in the day  
(I'm sorry, mom. I fell off my bike and landed in glass)

"Esos estúpidos vecinos! ¡Sabía que eran un problema cuando se mudaron!" she swore, but turned around to her son and kissed his face "te amo, mijo. Te traeré unas curitas"  
(Those stupid neighbors! I knew they were trouble when they moved in!) (I love you, my son. I'll get you some band-aids)

"Está bien, no fueron los vecinos, estaba en el parque" he tried to stop her, but she was already ready to go yell at the people next door  
(It's okay, it wasn't the neighbors, I was at the park)

"No excuses!" she shouted dramatically, but then softened again at her child "I can bring you medicina también for the pain"

"Yo estoy bien, mamá" he huffed  
(I'm fine, mom)

"Dios mío, serás mi muerte" His mom tried to sound exasperated, but her smile gave it away.  
(My God, you will be the death of me) 

That day, his mother chewed out everyone in the neighborhood for throwing out their glass beer bottles and letting them break on the floor. No one wanted to suffer the consequences of her wrath so they did what she said. Later that night he found that she cooked his favorite food and even brought home horchata from that one restaurant not too far away where if you ask nice enough, they'll sell it by the gallon. Lance felt so much guilt for it, he initially wanted to cut so much more, but later forced himself not to. His mamá would be distraught, he couldn't do that to her. 

From that day on, he had put away all his blades, hiding them where no one would find them because he never had the heart to throw them away. There was one he still had with him now, one that he has kept with him since that day when he was fifteen. 

Lance never thought he'd be doing this again, but he is a failure. He was never meant to be this strong.

The pain was sobering, but it did nothing more than remind him of how terrible he was. By the time he was done, his hips were stained red as well as his arms. This was a build up from months of emotional pain, being the unwanted seventh wheel. An annoyance that can't do anything right. A complete screw up of a paladin that shouldn't even be alive. 

All he could ever want in this moment is someone to hold him tight and tell him that he was wrong, so so so so wrong. But no one would ever come. He was alone now. Even Red had powered down and would not talk to him right now. 

Lance is good for one thing and that is hurting himself. His mind torturing him and his body littered with physical wounds that didn't hurt much less than his head. He pushes everyone away and lives in his very own ice fortress, in which he is forced to remain alone and starved for affection.

"Lo siento, mamá" he cried softly, wrapping a cloth around his forearm to stop the bleeding. "Lo siento, lo siento, lo siento mucho" he kept apologzing over and over, knowing that if she were here, even if she knew he'd lie about every bruise and cut, she'd hold him close and hug him with so much love.

She'd kiss his tears away and run her fingers through his hair. She'd sing her favorite songs, and whisper how much she loved him. His mom would tell his papá to be gentle, and he'd make sure to tell Lance how great he was at every opportunity. His siblings would ask him what happened late into the night and they'd all crawl into his bed, hugging him tight. 

They'd all give him unconditional love and knowing he's so far away from them -

The room feels colder than it did before. A chill ran down his spine. They weren't here right now, his family wasn't here. He has to wait at least another five and a half months before he can see them again, but what if they're gone?

The Galra are bound to attack Earth, what if they're too late? The teledauv is gone, they can't wormhole home. 

Dread fills Lance and he forces back a sob. He can't live in a world where no one is left to love him. If he wouldn't be able to taste his abuelita's baked goods again or smell food being cooked from his backyard - if he could never get to sit on the beach and watch as his cousins play around in the water or let his sisters practice makeup on him again... 

Lance isn't sure he'd make it.

He finally allows himself to succumb to the crying, sobbing hard at the idea he'd never get to be back in a warm welcoming life with people always there for him. He'd be alone forever.

 

\----

 

"Should we call Lance? I don't think he'd want to miss dinner" Keith tried to keep his concern from spilling out of his voice, but there was no denying the sense of fear he felt.

"Nah" Hunk simply shrugged "He didn't want to go explore and stuff so he's probably busy. He'll come out when he's hungry"

The others agreed, but something didn't sit right with him. This felt wrong. 

"I'm gonna go check on him" he says after a minute. 

"Have fun" Coran tells him energetically, not paying attention but still being kind when Keith gets up.

It was a fairly short walk to the lions. They were just a little further off a path they found while exploring. The sun had began to set and they were all starting to eat some food Hunk had made thanks to some ingredients given to the Paladins by some villagers.

When he arrived at the Red lion, he realized that she had her particle barrier up and most likely wouldn't put them down until Lance told her so.

"Red? Hey, girl, do you think you could tell Lance I wanted to talk to him?" he tried, but she didn't budge

"Come on, I want to tell him we have food" he tries again

Keith waits another moment and says one last thing before he would go back "Lance? Can you open up for me?" He holds his breath, waiting for any indication that the paladin heard him, but when nothing happens, he sighs in disappointment. 

As he walks back to the group, he hears the sounds of metal moving, and Lance appears from the inside of his lion, shuffling awkwardly to Keith. He rubs his eyes which are pink, as if he'd been crying. Keith tries to ignore the twinge in his chest and walks over to Lance.

"What do you need bossman Keith, o great leader of Voltron" he jokes, but he sounds tired

"Hunk made food if you want to eat" he gestures to the general direction he came from

"It's okay, I don't feel hungry" Lance looks at the ground and pulls on his jacket tightly. He's constantly tugging on the sleeve and Keith can't tell if its a nervous trait or he's hiding something.

"You good?" he asks, trying to keep up some sort of conversation

"Yeah, just tired" he mumbles. 

This whole scenario reminds him so much of that night Lance slept over in his room. Keith secretly wondered to himself if they'd ever do it again. His face lightly flushed at the thought of Lance hugging him in his sleep, the two of them cuddling only to wake up lazily, not wanting to move. Lucky for him, Lance was still eyeing the floor, unaware of Keith's internal panic.

"Have you been sleeping well? You - uh, its just you said that one time that you can't sleep and I assumed it's insomnia, but uh -" God at this moment, Keith felt more awkward and out of place than ever before and he wished the ground would open up and swallow him whole

Lance seems to chuckle a little at this and the regret he had from talking had faded some "Yeah, I haven't really been sleeping all that great" 

"Do you...want to talk about it? We can go for a walk, there's a nice trail right over there and we can visit one of the little villages" he offers

The boy weighs his options then agrees "Sure, sounds like fun" 

They begin their journey around the forest, and just for right now, Keith tries not to worry too much about the sad look in Lance's eyes or how bad he feels for forgetting how lonely his friend gets and didn't reach out sooner to him.

_"I felt really left out... I’m just really, really homesick. I miss it so much"_

Great leadership skills there, Keith. Let your friend suffer in silence after you already know he's feeling down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok ok ok, i think this should be the most angsty it'll get for now. I want to make up for the trauma I give to my poor little blue boy so next chapter is gonna be filled with comfort. Just,,,so much. And I can't want until they'll make it home bc wowowow I've got the good kush, and its not the dollar store ok. Cool beans.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning!!
> 
> Mentions of Self Harm and scars

"You sure you're alright?" Keith asked again because seriously, the dude looks like he's been through hell and back. Lance had bags under his eyes that were so dark, they could be black. His usually flawless skin looked pale, dry and neglected. His hair was a mess and was growing ot unevenly. His overall appearance was disheveled and messy, something that was not known to be a trait of the red paladin.

Lance sighed, looking like he's ready to break "Man, I don't know. I just really want to go home, I ... I miss my family so much. I don't think I'm cut out for Voltron"

Oh, so they were back to this.

"Lance, you're meant to be a paladin, don't doubt yourself, I've seen what you can do and you're great! We need our sharpshooter" he cam barely stop himself before extra words tumble out. _and I need you_

"I guess, but that's not the whole thing. I 'm just, I dunno. Maybe I'm just being dramatic again" he huffs "Guess that's all I can do anyway" the teen mumbles to himself rather than to Keith.

At this point, they've been wandering around for only a good couple minutes, still close enough to the others that they can smell the food. "Whatever it is, you're probably not being dramatic. Just tell me what's up and I can help you" he tells him honestly

Keith had never been sure about anything before in his life, but after coming back from the Blade of Mamora, he's felt more confident in himself. He felt more confident in how to handle his own emotions and now thinks he can help handle others. He wants to be a rock in which supports his team, that what a good leader does anyways, right?

Lance hesitates, slowing his walking pace for a moment trying to figure out how to react. He stays quiet for another beat, but then speaks "Remember the stuff I told you before?"

"Yeah"

"It's still that stuff, but also other things. Sorry, I'm not being very specific I just - I don't know. It's like I'm afraid it's not a big deal and I'm making things sound like it's so much worse, but you've all been through your own traumatizing experiences and I feel like my junk is no where near as bad." he rambles, slowly shrinking into himself as he goes on and ends up zipping up his jacket and pulling up the hood "My problems aren't as bad as yours and I should be able to just _deal with it_ because you guys can too"

The boy's confession shocked Keith. He sounded so genuine and insecure, it _hurt_ "Lance, don't compare your trauma to someone else. We all react differently to situations, you shouldn't suffer because you think you can handle it." 

Soon, before either can say anything else, they arrive at a small lookout point that sits above the villages. There path continues on down the hill, but Keith sits down on the ground and motions Lance to do the same. The sun is still setting, and a soft golden glow is the only thing left to give light other than the bright fires and candles that brighten up the town not too far away.

"I won't ever judge you for anything. I know we used to have a 'rivalry' before, but I think now we've gotten close enough to call each other friends ... unless you still want ti be enemies?" he side eyes Lance from beside him and he laughs just a little. Good. 

"I trust you, Keith. I-I trust you." 

"So tell me what's wrong, I promise I'll do everything I can to help you" he moves himself closer to the paladin and in response, Lance tilts his body closer to Keith as well.

"I grew up in Cuba" he starts, looking out to the scenery in front rather than the person next to him. "We only spoke Spanish until she decided we should all learn English. I was fluent by the time I was thirteen, but there was still an accent. Around that time, my oldest sister, Veronica, well she got accepted into college in America. It was over in California and she wouldn't stop talking about how she could visit some of her friends in Mexico because she'd be so much closer than we were before. Since we also had a lot of family that moved to Cali too, we decided we could all go with her."

"That's sweet" he murmurs, it would be nice to have a large family, but for Keith he only had Shiro, well and his mom now too. His dad died before his fifth birthday. 

"Yeah" he chuckles " We made frequent visits back to Cuba too, during the summer and every single break. It hurt us a lot financially. I took up jobs whenever I could, babysitting, mowing lawns, doing whatever for whoever. It became too much, and we had to move back. The economy was way too high and my parents just couldn't afford." He takes a deep breath and looks at the sun which is almost gone. The last couple moments of light still remained, but would be gone in seconds leaving just the cold and dark night.

"I got into the Garrison right before. It was really lonely. I met Hunk there, he's from Samoa and we were roomed together because we were both international students. Even though I had him, I started to go through this really dark time. I did things I wish I never started."

Keith's mind was doing mental back flips, what did he do? What was happening? Is this what lead up to now?

"When I would go home for the summer, I thought I'd get better, but I didn't. I should've said something, but my family was still tight on money. I didn't need to worry them. It was my fault I signed up for the Garrison. I shouldn't have - why did I even think of doing it. I was an idiot" Lance whispers the last thing more to himself than Keith, but continues "I started getting really bad, and no one knew. I pretended to be the same kid I was before I got sad, but the problem was that I was so far gone, I didn't even know how to act. Guess that's why I'm always so annoying."

They're both silent for a moment before Lance starts to slowly mess with his sleeves. "This is about to get really depressing, so buckle up. I've never told anyone this and don't know how you'll react" he tries to joke, but it doesn't sit well with him.

"I used to have this really bad habit. I don't even know why I did it, but I did. It made me feel better, but at the same time I felt worse, but it was addicting. It became apart of my routine. I knew how to get around it, cover my tracks, do everything right so no one would ever know, but I would get sloppy. I don't know if my mom knew for sure, but she was always so kind to me if she ever noticed something. She was the only reason why I stopped" his voice broke at the end and Keith could see some tears beginning to form in his eyes.

"I started to get better, but good things never last long for me. Voltron was a distraction, but it felt like I was back in the Garrison for the first time. I only had Hunk and Pidge sometimes if she wasn't being a moody little gremlin" he laughed, causing a couple drops to run down his face

"But I had a big family, personal space wasn't a real big thing with us. I was so used to my cousins hugging me from behind, my sisters asking me to braid their hair, playing soccer with my tios, it's one thing when I'm away at school and know I'll be back home during the breaks. It's another to be in outer space probably light-years away and fighting aliens for who knows how long before we can go home"

"We'll be back soon, I promise" Keith places a hand on Lance's knee, they maintain eye contact for a moment, but Lance breaks away

"I fell back into the hole I thought I escaped. I - I started - started the same things I thought I was done with. I stopped when I was fifteen, but - I just. I fucked up, Keith. I -" He was crying now, tears falling more rapidly and his hands were shaking.

Keith wanted nothing more than to hug Lance and make everything better, but life ins't a fairy tale "What did you do?" he asked softly, trying to be as soothing as possible

The boy laughs, but it's more of a hiccup, his body shakes and it sounds painful and empty. "I told you this was going to get depressing" he shakes his head, shrinking further into himself and tugging on the ends of his hood.

"Lance, it's okay. Tell me what happened, I'm here for you, I promise"

He slows down his crying for a moment and gathers up courage while Keith waits patiently. Ever so slowly, he takes down his hood, unzips the jacket, and takes it off, wincing slightly when he moves to harshly. His long sleeved shirt looks stained in some sections, and when Lance reveals what's underneath, Keith knows why. Lines crisscross his arms. There aren't very many nor are they very deep, but it still is enough to make Keith gasp. There's a few older scars, and now with this new information, he realizes this must be where he got them from.

"Lance..." he turns to the boy who is trying his hardest to fight back sobs

"I'm sorry, I'm not meant to be a paladin, I make everyone hate me, I should've stayed dead" 

Keith was beyond shocked, as bad as Lance looked that one night they talked, it was no where near as bad as this. So what did he do? He did what worked last time. His arms enveloped the other teen's body, wrapping him up in a hug and letting him weep into his shoulder. "Lance, you are one of the most important paladins here, hell, if you weren't here, none of us would be. You're the heart of Voltron and we need you here" he rubs circles onto Lance's back "I can't tell you how many times you've diffused a tense situation with your jokes and humor, you're the reason why a lot of us have smiles on our faces. No one hates you, fuck I don't think I've ever hated you. I'm just so crap with talking to people, I was kind of jealous if you" he laughs wetly, feeling a couple of his own tears.

"I know you will continue to think whatever you want about yourself, but know that I care a lot about you, it's not pity, not because I have to. I care a lot about you, Lance. You're my friend and teammate, I'm glad you're alive, okay"

Lance sniffles a bit, pulling away just enough to rub his eyes. "Do you mean it?" he asks so innocently it _hurt_.

This was the exact moment Keith realized that he didn't just care about Lance. He loves him, and this hurts so much to see how unsure and doubtful Lance was. It was painful, but now wasn't the time to fall in love, Lance needs a rock to hold onto, and that's what Keith is.

"I swear on my life." he tells him solemnly.

A small hesitant smile finds itself on the paladin's face and he moves to get his jacket and put it back on. Keith takes it as a cue to go back to camp, it was dark and cold out, but the lions would be warm and bright. "Come on, lets go back" he extends a hand to Lance that he accepts instantly

They walk back in a comfortable silence, shoulders touching one another, until they made it back. Everyone was either heading to bed or still by the makeshift fire finishing up what looked like dessert. It just occurred to Keith that he never actually finished his food and Lance had probably not eaten since who knows when and decided they should grab whatever was left over. 

"Hey, you go over to Red, I'm gonna get something real quick and I'll meet you there" he says, starting to walk backwards to the designated food eating area while still keeping eye contact

"No uh, it's okay, you've done enough" he rubs the back of his neck as his face heats up

It's cool, I like hanging out with you, plus I think Shiro needs some time to just chill by himself" he gives a thumbs up and runs off eagerly

Lance is just left to shuffle awkwardly to Red, who welcomes him quickly. She feels like she's much happier than before, like she's glad Lance opened up. 

"Did you tell Keith to come?" he questions her

No, she didn't. She respects Lance's privacy, but was glad that her old Paladin was there for him. Blue used to be like an overprotective mother hen, but red was more like an older sister that wants the best for her brother. He smiles at the sentiment.

Not too much later, Keith enters balancing two plates in either hands, some strange bottle like containers with drinks, and napkins and forks. "I brought food" he announces proudly

"I thought I said I wasn't hungry earlier"

"Yeah, but I was hungry and I hate eating if no one else is eating too" he isn't exactly lying, but Lance probably wouldn't accept anything otherwise.

"I've been meaning to ask, but what happened to the socially awkward and introverted Keith I once knew and what did you do to him" he teases

Alright, back to some easier common ground, but there's still some issues that Keith wanted to address tonight.

"Hey! I wasn't _that_ bad"

"When I say Vol..?"

"It makes more sense to just say the name Voltron all together!" 

Lance laughs, it's genuine and real and Keith thinks it's one of the best sounds in the world "Whatever you say there, buddy" 

They eat while talking, mostly about funny little things to keep the mood light, but when they finish, Keith can see the sadness again in Lance's face. He can finally read through the cracks, or maybe Lance doesn't bother putting up his mask anymore. "You want to talk about anything else?" he asks gently

"No, no I'm just - just thinking. If you want to go, you can by the way. It's getting late and we're supposed to fly out early tomorrow morning" he tells Keith, not looking up from the spot on the floor.

"If you don't mind, I was hoping I could crash here for the night" he asks hopefully though, it's more of a statement than a question.

"You sure?" Lance meets his eyes

"Of course" he smiles

They end up sitting and talking for a while, but the darkness clouding the Red Paladin's eyes was getting stronger and stronger. "I hope you remember that I do mean it when I tell you you're great" he says, leaning back on some pillows huddled together on the floor. "You really are amazing and it actually hurt me to know you don't believe it" he confesses

"Yeah, right. Brooding emo Keith cares about poor annoying Lance" He mocks

"No really. You're such an amazing person. I have a hard time complimenting people so you better make sure you listen closely" Keith sits up for a moment to look Lance directly in the eyes "You are awesome and I was probably jealous for a good two weeks because you just seemed to connect with everyone and I couldn't. You always make everyone smile and I need you to know that you are in fact one of the most important people here and we all care about you."

Somewhere in the middle of his speech about Lance's fantastic qualities, his faces started heating up and he knew he was probably blushing a lot. Lance smiled and he thought to himself that the embarrassment was worth it all. Keith grabbed the bundle of blankets and pillows from the floor and moved them closer to the teen, putting them to the side and allowing himself to be closer to Lance on his makeshift bed.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because" theres a pause of uncertainty, but Keith decides he needs to do this "I want you to know that you're not alone"

The black paladin removes his gloves and jacket, revealing a series of fades scars that littered his skin. They were almost impossible to see, but if you knew where to look and had the right lighting, they were as clear as day.

"I get it, I really do. I know I can't just make you stop, but I can help you out"

"How did - how'd you stop?" he says breathlessly, completely shocked

"I told Shiro and he helped me. He probably didn't have the money to send me to a therapist or else he would've but we used all these tricks and stuff to help stop it. Ice cube, rubber bands, drawing over the area you plan on hurting yourself - he was there for me. And I=if you need me, I'll be there for you too"

"Wow, I had no idea"

"Most people don't know. If someone does this, they aren't usually looking for attention. I used to cut more on my legs than anywhere else, no one could see it. I'm not asking for you to tell me any more than you have, but " he started trailing off, not knowing what to say. Thankfully Lance spoke up

"Yeah, you're right. My hips are where I go. My family - we swim at the beach a lot. It's the one place that can't be seen unless I go too high up. I should've gotten rid of my blades before I started again" he grumbles, angry with himself. His eyes get glassy and Keith wants to intervene with whatever thoughts are starting to form in Lance's mind.

"It's okay, we all mess up sometimes, but to be able to last this long, Lance, it means you're really strong. Don't blame yourself, we're here for you"

He rubs his eyes again and gives a watery smile "Thanks, Keith"

They sit for a while in a comfortable silence, leaning closer to each other to the point where their shoulders were connected. They fell asleep soon later, Keith had an arm extended over Lance's chest and Lance was holding him. Their legs were a tangled mess and when they would wake up, neither of them would want to move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok cool things 'bout to get so much better from Lance from this point on. Also, all of your comments absolutely give me life so like, pls comment. It makes me happy, especially the creative ones or just random ones like spamming the letter 'e' 22 times then keyboard smashing. Thanks ok bye


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning:   
> Mentions of self harm/implied self harm. All past tense, and nothing graphic

Over the course of a week, Keith and Lance had gotten a lot closer, and he rest of the team noticed it too. Keith would hang out in the Red Lion more often, and Lance was starting to make more appearances when they'd land on different planets. Ever so slowly, Lance had started feeling better. He was by no means cured, but he'd managed to work through some issues. 

Whenever he'd feel particularly bad, Keith always seemed to notice and would talk to him about it. At first, the paladin was reluctant. He felt like he already spilled so many of his secrets, had revealed too much, and now was just being self absorbed by talking so much about himself. Eventually, Lance found that Keith was a really easy person to talk to, compared to Hunk who was obviously still his best-best friend, but he just felt too detached from the others. Hunk would start tearing up the moment Lance would tell him he was depressed, do everything possible to fix it immediately before he would even get to finish explaining. Lance didn't want that. He just wanted someone to listen and give support. Someone like Keith right now.

Keith didn't freak out or anything, and that was something Lance was always grateful for. 

Things had really progressed for him and for the first time in a while, he didn't think he'd spiral into an emotional breakdown if he did something wrong. Things were definitely getting better. No one explicitly pointed it out until a couple more weeks had past. Shiro mentioned something about Keith missing lunches and not always sleeping in the Black Lion. Lance happened to be there with them that time and tensed up. Keith put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

They didn't say anything about Lance, it was always about someone else.

"I've been hanging out with Lance" he tells them simply, going back to the plate of alien grilled cheese. The bread was clear looking and the "cheese" was purple, but overall, it tasted pretty much exactly like the same thing back on Earth. 

"Oh, I didn't notice you were here today." Shiro looks over at the former blue paladin, eyes going wide in surprise "You were so quiet, I didn't even see you"

"Yeah, I've been pretty quiet recently" he mumbles, feeling an embarrassed flush color his face. 

Pidge cuts in and smiles widely "I was wondering what happened to all the puns and flirting" 

_Shit, gotta keep that mask on tight._

"Still here" he tries his best to act normal, but Keith glances at him sideways showing he didn't buy it "just currently under some construction. Your regularly scheduled goofball will return shortly after this grilled cheese" he tries to act playful, but gives him a sour taste in his mouth.

Keith had been telling him it would be a good idea to open up to the others. If he told them what was going on, they'd understand and try to make things better, but Lance refused. He didn't want to seem vulnerable and weak to the people he now considered a second family. He didn't want to be their liability. 

"Careful, you could choke" Hunk offers, not glancing up from his plate

"Bro, that would be the best way to go out" he jokes, but it's forced.

"Oh, Lance by the way, we're still doing the plan, it hasn't changed right?" Pidge jumps up excitedly

"That we sing 'Mmm Whatcha Say' in the case that one of us dies in front of the other no matter what?"

"Yeah!"

"Yep" Lance pops the 'p' as he takes another bite of his food while Keith looks at him completely confused. 

The rest of the team copies the same expression, leaving just Lance and Pidge to giggle about it. 

Things are looking up.

* * *

Months past and according to their calculations, they only had about another month or two before they'd make it back home. Everyone had become a bit more antsy the closer they got, their own homesickness spiking at the knowledge they still had to wait to get back. Lance most of all. 

Again, no one could tell with the exception of Keith, and during this time, the black paladin ended up staying the night more often than not in Red. He'd brought in his own pillows and blankets for a bed about the same size as the ones back on the Castle of Lions. 

The two of them balanced each other out, Keith helps Lance and Lance helps Keith. One particular night, he had a nightmare, crying in his sleep and waking himself up trying to scream for help. Lance was there with him, and they talked and talked until Keith fell asleep hugging the other teen while Lance softly brushed his fingers through his hair. 

Since then, he's had fewer nightmares, knowing that Lance was only a few feet away and that Lance would invite him to his bed if he was scared, it was comforting. It gave him peace of mind. But then at the same time, it made Keith only worry more. 

He was now totally sure he was in love with Lance, and he had no idea if it would put a strain on their relationship if he was ever to reveal that fact. Going off of Lance's flirting, he's pretty straight, but then again it seemed to be part of his whole façade. The more time they spent together, he felt the same as he did trying to understand Lance that other time. Keith thought he knew _less_ the more he learned. It felt blurry and unclear, though one thing was certain.

He had to keep his feelings away until Lance was more stable.

Keith was his rock, and he _cannot_ crumble because he has some schoolboy crush.

"What's got you thinking so hard there, Mullet?" Lance cut through his thoughts, surprising the black paladin.

"Oh uh" he tries to think of an excuse, but he's bad at lying "..nothing?"

"Mhm. Well if you'd like to share it with the class, I'm here to listen" he teases, looking back down to his phone while hanging upside down from his bed.

"Well, uh - I was just thinking how it was nice that you've been more outgoing with everyone again. I missed that" he adds the last bit quieter, talking more to himself than Lance.

"Yeah well I've just started to get more energy y'know. I'm not worried I'll just fall apart at any given thing." 

"That's good" Keith chuckles at Lance as he makes the most ridiculous looking face trying to beat some game

"Damn it! How did Pidge even make it to level 47? I can barely survive 33!" the teen waves his arms wildly, causing him to fall on the ground with a _thud_.

Keith gets up quickly, but he only has to take a couple steps before he's hovering over Lance who opens his eyes cautiously then groans. "That almost hurt as bad as losing a million times in a row"

He sits up as the black paladin takes a seat next to him then starts explaining how the game works to him. In this moment, Keith thinks to himself how much he appreciates their friendship and ability to just talk like normal people. A soft blush creeps onto his face when Lance lays on top of Keith's lap while he sits on the ground.

He wishes that when they finally get back to Earth, they always remain this close.

* * *

Lance has never been good when it comes to feelings. For the longest time he had wanted Allura, having the biggest crush and constantly flirting with her. Of course he knew she didn't like him back, so when he started edging the line between flirt and annoying creep who wouldn't leave her alone, he'd always back down. When she was with Lotor, he knew that she was happy and did nothing to sabotage them, but thinking back now, it might've been for the better if they had. Lotor betrayed them all and nearly cost them Voltron.

Now, he's become closer to Keith and while he knows they've become rather close, he isn't sure why he gets these _emotions_ whenever they talk late at night or wake up in each other's arms. He doesn't have a crush or anything, and has never felt this way about anyone else before, Lance is still worried about the flush of his face, the way his heart beats, and the shakiness he feels in his legs when Keith hugs him randomly.

They talk all through the day and into the night, Lance pretty much just follows Keith around wherever he goes to keep up their conversations. He started eating with the others again, but still distances himself from them, but now with a more regular eating cycle than starving himself until he absolutely needed to eat definitely picked up his spirits. Funny how ignoring basic needs can make you feel so much worse than you already did.

Socializing, eating, walking around and exercising - all of it was slowly starting to bring him back to a safer place. Especially with Keith's help and tips to avoid cutting. He still slipped up, and felt instant regret every time he did it. Once he broke his clean streak, it was hard to stop, the familiar urge was always there, but before he could ignore it. Luckily, as of now he was three weeks clean and Keith was so proud when he announced it that morning.

Things are really looking up, and now knowing he was so close to home, it was bittersweet to say the least, but with his now rising mental health, the waves that try to drown him are no match for his own personal lifeguard that rescues Lance from himself. 

Until he gets back to Earth, Lance decided that he isn't going stress too much about whatever he's feeling about Keith. For now, all he needs to focus on is getting better, because being alone in your own depressive mind where every thought tries to kill you isn't the best place to be. He'll be okay, his somber gaze doesn't hold the same weight it once did, and the bleak world around him gained a little more color.

He misses his family so much it hurts to even think about, but the people around him are family too, and Keith is making sure that he won't sever what's left of it. 

Maybe he should go and talk to someone just to start a conversation? 

Lance has missed the rest of his team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just had to add that thing about mmm whatcha say bc of that tumblr post by the80svoltron. ALSO: 1. The fact that the premiere of s7 is gonna be at sdcc in like, a little more than a week has me shook and 2, since most people think that shiro is gonna be a huge part of lance's bi arc in canon, I'm planning on making that a thing for this fic.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for season 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m rly conflicted with the new season. I hate it but love it and I’m not giving hope on klance. Is it stupid? Yes. Also: I skipped some events bc I didn’t want them but I did incorporate some of that stuff here and this is more like just part of a giant summary of s7 in this au bc I think technically this is considered an au. All aboard the Langst train bc it’s about to get depressing *finger guns* ALSO pls dont hate on keith or the others. I'll be giving their pov soon and hopefully it'll clear things up

For the first time in what felt like forever, they had found some sort of signal. It was a transmission coming from a planet. Krolia had gotten in contact with the Paladins and told them they should all check it out. When they got there, they had almost thought it might've been some sort of error. There was no way a signal could be coming from there. It was so empty and lifeless.

There was only one person remaining. He told them how glad he was to see Voltron was still alive, and after the team's confusion, explained that no one has seen or heard from Voltron in the past three deca-phoebes. It was crazy.

They had been out there, traveling for months and had landed on planets with aliens on them, but apparently they must've been people that didn't hear of Voltron because of how far out they were. They had been thrown to the edges of the universe and the only people they had met were those that had never even heard of the legendary defender of the universe. Far out enough that they weren't even aware of the Galra.

It made sense to them how they only found out now. Why they hadn't been though any attacks yet.

The man ended up turning on them and they found out he was a Druid of Haggar looking for redemption by taking the Voltron Paladins. They got out of there quickly enough and were able to escape virtually unscathed. 

Upon returning to the lions, they had all suggested to land on a planet and rest for a little bit. The lions were still running on close to empty and they used a lot of extra and unecessary power running away because they were afraid of more Druids coming along. 

They found Kolivan, one of the members of the Blade, and were now keeping him with Keith in the Black Lion along with Krolia until he got to better health. Until then, Keith stuck around Black a lot more than usual. He still would spend the night with Lance while Black went in autopilot or would spend hours gazing at the stars, but it was much less than before. Lance understood it - he did. Keith was doing this because he wanted to be with his mom and someone who’s probably considered a close family friend. 

It was just that the longer time went on, it became a little more lonely in Red’s cockpit. But that was good, right? That meant Keith trusted Lance enough to be alone. At least that’s what he hopes. 

The distress signal had pushed them back by a few days, rushing over to a planet out of their way and rushing back even faster room more out of them than they would’ve liked, so it’s been pretty slow lately. They had also taken extra time getting close to a particular solar system for Krolia and Kolivan to get off at in search of other Blades. It was selfish, but Lance was kind of relieved. That meant Keith would be returning to his usual schedule with the former blue paladin. Except, it didn't. Keith was still withdrawn from him, and it felt more clear than ever at that moment. Now it wasn't just only being around for a few hours at a time - it was only being around for an hour or two in the span of days. 

He wasn't sure if Keith knew what he was doing, but it definitely stung. It reminded him of how he felt both when the guy had left to train with the BOM and when he returned only to brush him off saying "I don't have time for you". Lance was probably overreacting anyway. He started talking with the others again, not nearly as much as he used to, but still enough that he wasn't completely on his own.

At some point while flying around, everyone had fallen asleep. No one was particularly tired, especially Lance who had been getting nightmares more frequently and had made _sure_ that he couldn’t drift off. He felt stupid for being sad and stupid about being stupid for being sad and it was starting to affect his sleep more than he'd want to admit so he took every precaution he could think of to stay awake, but it didn't matter. Everyone had closed their eyes and drifted off.

When they woke up, they were in some sort of game show type place. Lance absentmindedly thought of family feud - a game show he watched all the time with his little cousins when they came home from school and they tried to come up with the most ridiculous answers.

The game wasn't too bad asides for none of them knowing how they got there and Zarkon magically showing up along with Lotor, Haggar and one other Galra he distantly remembers fighting at some point.

At first they all were confused about what was going on, but soon enough decided to just roll with it. They played some sort of pictionary like game and to say Lance completely fucked it up would be an understatement. He kept saying things he thought it could be, except they were all things found on earth instead of space. He was getting on everyone's nerves and he knew it - especially when Allura had slammed her fists down on the table to tell him to just shut the quiznack up and let someone else answer. After that he remained silent.

The show host who oddly enough had a very human sounding name of Bob seemed to catch onto Lance's insecurity when he instantly shut up and as soon as the round was over, he had Zarkon ask who he wanted to do some sort of challenge and called up Lance. Actually, he called the 'Dumb One', but it was still him regardless so who cares with the technicalities. 

In this challenge, all Lance had to do was name some people he's met before while being out in space. It seemed easy enough until Bob decided to put in people that he hadn't bothered remembering their names or people with masks on that made it impossible to remember among the thousand others he's met with the _exact same mask_. He did manage a few points, but it wasn't enough.

He went in to do some other challenge round immediately after with Bii Boh Bi and if he failed that one too, then he was doomed to a tank of acid that would slowly kill the paladin. For the most part, Lance had just screamed different variations of 'Bii, Bii boh, Boh bi, and Bii boh bi' to get past, but yet again - he was a failure. The acid stung almost as much as it did being called stupid and dumb by the others while he tried desperately to win the games. Almost.

It only lacked the sinking feeling in his gut when Keith didn't even defend him. 

Keith was on the same page as everyone else.

Ouch.

Pidge was up next with some sort of minigolf thing, but instead of playing, she calculated the golf ball to hit Bob and tackle him. She barely managed to pin the alien to the ground when everything went black and they were all back standing at their podiums. Bob told them that the game was over. All they had to do now was pick who got to escape and the rest of Voltron would be stuck there forever. He gave them roughly about thirty ticks to think of a person within their group and then had everyone reveal their answer.

First was Hunk who had picked Allura and gave a nice explanation that made the princess blush from the praise reminding Lance of his mom. Allura picked Pidge, saying she believed that her and her father would be the brains to take down the Galra. Pidge had picked Hunk which made Hunk lean from his place with feet still trapped in the floor, and hug her as tightly as he could, leaning over Lance.

Lance had picked Keith. How could he not? Even if they hadn't been talking a lot recently, they were still friends, right? A voice in the back of his head tried telling him no, but he ignored it trying to think of how close he was with Keith. 

"I think he's like ... the future." Lance had finished his short explanation, a dopey grin hanging loosely from his lips as he forced out negative thoughts from his mind.

Finally, Keith was asked who he voted for.

"I voted Lance," the nonexistent audience gasped along with Bob. 

"Lance? Why _Lance?_ " 

"I just don't want to be stuck here for all of eternity with him." He says while his mouth curls up in disgust.

The red paladin had to do a double take. Did - Did Keith just say he didn't like Lance? He... He doesn't care?

He couldn't hear what happened after that - his brain going completely blank at the revelation that maybe this whole stupid thing about him and Keith ... maybe it was nothing special. He was stupid to believe that they had gotten closer or fixed anything. His heart hurt and his hands went cold when he suddenly woke up.

On the comms, Hunk groaned, "Ugh, I just had the craziest dream."

Pidge grumbles too, "Don't tell me. Garfle, Warfle, Snick."

He hears them all gasp over the shared communications and Lance can't help but find his heart sinking into his stomach. It happened. All of that was true.

Coran starts boasting about Bob and the red paladin sighs under his breath, giving a quiet "I'm not _that_ dumb" while the others complain about Bob being a complete asshole. Lance tries not to let himself sink too far into his thoughts, but he can't help but let himself make a fist and let his nails dig through his skin and bleed as he tries to tell himself he'll be home soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ye pls dont be mad at the others. next ch will be their pov and you'll see why keef did what he did


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the unplanned hiatus. I’m back tho and I’m ready to angst it up. this is short but I just needed it out

After the gameshow, Keith felt guilty. There was no other way of putting it - he was a total ass that day and now he can’t help but to feel bad about the silence that rings in his ears because Lance hasn’t spoken to him in three days. 

Before Keith wanted some distance, but never like this. Never like this. 

It became too hard for him to sleep on the floor next to Lance and close his eyes, imagining another body curled against his, fingers running through soft brown waves. He couldn’t help the ever growing blush on his cheeks when Lance would wake him from a nightmare and forced him to share a bed so the night was a little less scary. One too many times he imagined why it would feel like the kiss Lance’s lips and hold him tightly in a hug where he would _know_ that Lance was his -

Keith needed to stay away. He was falling so hard for someone who wouldn’t love him back. Lance was doing great now, coping well and talking with friends again. He could just sink into the background and Lance wouldn’t care. 

So that’s what he did. 

Well - that’s what he did until now. Lance hasn’t spoken to him in days and Keith is getting concerned. He knew he fucked up when he said he wanted Lance to leave because he couldn’t stand him. Honestly, he had written a huge explaination and spilled out his emotions, but freaked out when Bob asked why and just mumbled about not wanting Lance to be stuck with him. 

No one should ever be stuck with Keith. Especially someone as caring and wonderful as Lance.

Lance was the sun that lit up the day. He was the source of life and happiness for everyone surrounding him. Keith was just a stupid rock that got stuck in the gravitational pull. He’s just an asteroid that will burn out soon enough. 

Keith so desperately wants to run over to Red and see how the paladin is doing, but he knows that Lance probably hates him now. He doesn’t deserve a jackass like Keith. Everyone was calling him names, calling him stupid and not _once_. Not even **_once_** did he defend Lance. Not a single time. 

But it was all in good fun, right? They weren’t making fun of him, right? They’re a friends, right?

Deep down, Keith wondered if he’s just trying to convince himself that the red paladin is okay. Convince himself just enough that he won’t be crawling right back over. 

The past few nights have felt especially cold inside of Black. The soft snore that he would focus on when he had nightmares was gone. Shiro was completely silent in his sleep, making it so much more lonely in the night hours. 

More than once his mind has wandered. Imagining being inside of Red. Skin on skin, hands entwined, legs knotted together. Maybe Lance liked him back. Maybe they kissed. Maybe they would spend the hours of the night together in their own company, being together and whole. 

Maybe, but maybe not. Lance was straight and Keith was not. They aren’t meant to be. They just aren’t. 

His communicator goes off one night, startling him. 

“Hey Keith,” the voice sounds broken and empty. 

As soon as he recognizes the voice, the teen feels his blood runs cold and his hands start to sweat. 

“Keith... do you hate me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so when they actually get together I’m wondering if I should add some *looks around then whispers* smut. Idk if you’ll believe me, but I’ve actually never written smut. I’ve read my fair share, but I’ve never written it mostly bc I’m kinda afraid that someone I know will find it at some point and be like ‘wtf is this’ but if you guys want some,,,I could prob write some. ;))


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey Keith... Keith, do you hate me?" 
> 
>  
> 
> _Oh quiznack._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The people have spoken and this will not contain any smut. I personally didn’t think it needed any to begin with, but I know that some of y’all love it so I just wanted to see if I needed to change for my target audience.

"Keith, do you hate me?" Lance's voice echoes on the other side of the line.

A million thoughts race through his head for what feels like hours, but in reality was only a few seconds. The main ones were along the lines of _'Oh quiznack is he crying? Did I do that?'_ with a slight variation of everything Keith has ever done wrong in his life to lead to this moment of having Lance here on the phone, sounding so incredibly broken and insecure.

"...It's okay if you do," he says after a moment, making any words the black paladin have to say completely die on his lips. "I just want to know what I did wrong."

_'What you did wrong? It's what I did wrong!'_ Keith is practically screaming at himself. He has all the words right there in his brain, but none of them are coming out.

Lance sniffles, then he sighs. He sounds more resigned than surprised. He was expecting this. 

"Fine then. Night." The line cuts off and all that's left is static.

Did he really just do that? Did he really just freeze up while Lance was honestly asking if he hated him? It felt like some sort of nightmare that Keith was kinda hoping he would wake up from any second now. There was no way that he just shut out Lance like that. There's - he wouldn't just do that! 

Keith didn't sleep that night.

* * *

The next morning, Pidge had alerted the team that she thought she might’ve saw something familiar. It was a constellation. One that can be seen from Earth’s sky.

There was a collective sigh of relief when they all heard of this. They’re so much closer to home than they expected; they’ll get to go back to earth. Everyone was rejoicing, until the celebration was cut short. 

“Guys, hold on. My radar is picking up a distress signal.” Pidge states, causing the comms to silence. 

“We’re so close to home, how far away are they? I don’t want to leave when we’re almost there.” Hunk sags. He just wanted to taste his mom’s cooking again. Food goo was getting on his nerves. 

“It’s not coming from another planet.” Pidge continues, trying to decode the message so she could listen to it. “I think it came from - from”

“From Earth.” Shiro ended the sentence for her. 

Soon the tension between the Lions was so dense, it could’ve been cut with a knife. Silently, Keith started imagining what was going on in the red lion. Lance hadn’t said anything yet, and Leoth knows how much he misses his family. 

God, he really is an idiot to have abandoned Lance like that. 

Before Keith could say anything into the lines, a voice filled all their speakers. It was Sam Holt. It was Pidge’s father. He was sending a signal to Voltron, asking for their help wherever they were...

The Galra are on Earth. 

“No... this - this isn’t right.” Shiro muttered under his breath. 

“My parents,” Hunk whispered, not ready to accept it. 

“Everyone, we’re setting a course for Earth. Lions at full speed. Pidge, I’ll need you to contact Earth and see what you can do. Once we get to pur solar system, we’ll go in cloaked. Understood?” Keith declared to his team. 

Right now, he has everything he needs right here with him. There’s no person on earth that he has waiting for him, but the teen understands that they all do. They need to get there as soon as possible. They need to see if their family is okay. 

Lance needs to see if his family is okay. 

Within seconds, everyone has their lions zooming forward. They all have their coordinated pin pointed on Earth. It becomes oddly silent until Allura and Coran break the ice by singing some Altean song. 

Soon enough, everyone starts singing song after sing after song. It lifted the mood of all the paladins except for one. 

No one cared for the Red Paladin or noticed his absence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The angst will make the biggest impact in the next chapter I think. They’re going home and then we’ll get to see some,,, sad things.

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve got a [tumblr](https://marvelherosaredorks.tumblr.com) and an [instagram](https://instagram.com/genericresponse?utm_source=ig_profile_share&igshid=161029qhh46cc) if u wanna yell at me


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